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Hillimericks!! A satirical view of the American presidential election!
These limericks are a gentle satire on the musings and machinations of the leading candidates for the forthcoming American presidential election. As viewed by us here in the United Kingdom on the other side of the pond. They are meant to entertain and amuse and not to offend. They have been published in the Washington Post and The Daily Telegraph (UK). They are all copyright and will be compiled into the poet's tenth book in the near future. Incidentally, I am still looking for a publisher of my Hillimericks and would welcome any serious offers.
Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 15 Dec 2007 14:31
A handsome young fellow named Bill
Married a woman called Hill.
'Have you seen one of these?'
He asked. She answered, 'Please!
The mere sight of it's making me ill!'
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 18 Dec 2007 17:34
American President Clinton
Spent his summer vacation in Frinton.
He brought a japonica
Plus a picture of Monica
And prayed every night to saint Onan.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 19 Dec 2007 14:07
There was an old empress called Hillary
Who fed her employees on celery.
Meanwhile she and Huma
Gobbled barbecued puma
Garnished with char-grilled fritillary.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 31 Dec 2007 17:07
There was a young lady named Huma
Who was hospitalised for a tumour.
'I'm with you still'
Murmured sugar-mom Hill,
'The rest is just rubbish and rumour.'
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 31 Dec 2007 18:43
American ex-president Bill
Spent his weekend with Huma and Hill.
Unable to sleep,
He got up for a peep
Before swallowing a huge sleeping pill.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 03 Jan 2008 02:25
Hill was concerned by Obama,
A family man and a charmer.
'I'm hoping that you'll
Be advising me too!'
He laughed as she strapped on her armour.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 03 Jan 2008 02:27
John Edwards is trailing behind
With hundreds of things on his mind.
His thousand-watt smile
Tends to linger a while
But he's millions of dollars to find.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 03 Jan 2008 02:30
I mustn't forget ex-Mayor Rudy
Who made old New York fairly crime-free.
He's not fair of face
But he is full of grace
So he might have been born on a Tuesday.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 03 Jan 2008 02:33
Meanwhile dear old Huckabee Finn
(Uncomfortable in his own skin)
Finds Hillary scary
So he's pretty wary
Whilst secretly hoping to win.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 03 Jan 2008 02:40
But the victor will probably be Mitt
(A Mormon and amateur wit)
A multi-millionaire
With dollars to spare
And a handsome vainglorious git!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 08 Jan 2008 11:03
Molding everyone to his will,
Obama's roared in for the kill.
Young, gifted and black
He just hasn't looked back
At that speck in his mirror called Hill.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 08 Jan 2008 11:05
Poor Hillary's starting to lose -
You must have seen it on the news!
As my own eyes fill up,
I replenish my cup
In an effort to banish the blues.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 08 Jan 2008 11:08
As I reach for my bottle of gin,
I'm still not sure who's going to win
But events have been hintin'
It won't be Ms Clinton
Who's in effluent up to her chin.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 08 Jan 2008 11:14
The moral of the story is this:
(It was known by the Greeks as Hubris)
When you think that you've won
Long before you've begun
Then the gods can't stop taking the piss!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 08 Jan 2008 14:22
I forgot to include Ron and Fred;
Two has-beens whom many thought dead
And old John McCain
Who keeps trying in vain
To pack his poor pencil with lead.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 09 Jan 2008 13:40
Barack is a very nice man
Who now looks like a flash in the pan.
Banging on about 'change'
Isn't top of the range
But he's doing the best that he can.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 09 Jan 2008 13:44
Ex-prisoner of war John McCain
Has scored in N.H. once again.
He's too old for the job
And he's spent his last bob
But nothing will halt his campaign.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 09 Jan 2008 13:49
So, Hill won New Hampshire at last
And consigned her mistakes to the past.
This erstwhile attorney
Has been on a journey
That has left her supporters aghast!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 09 Jan 2008 13:52
When Hillary ran in the fall,
She ran straight into a Barack wall.
But since she's been crying,
She's proved that she's trying
And a true human being after all.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 09 Jan 2008 13:56
It's odd that her tears won the day
When she's tough as a mothball in May;
But the tears of this woman
Which no-one saw comin'
Made the ice in our hearts melt away.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 11 Jan 2008 14:12
Bill Richardson's stuck in a rut
And never quite managed the cut;
A man who's so fat
He could feed his own cat
With the lipo removed from his gut.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 11 Jan 2008 14:16
A cheetah, Republicans reckoned,
Was Mitt Romney whom fortune had beckoned;
But for all his nine lives
And his multiple wives,
He won't win if he keeps coming second!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 11 Jan 2008 20:18
Edwards is a personable chap
Who is gradually narrowing the gap
But his prospects look gruesome -
The front-running twosome
Have left him behind by a lap.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 11 Jan 2008 20:21
John Edwards, the sweet-natured chap
Awoke from his afternoon nap.
A guy with sunglasses
And skin like molassses
Was giving him quotes on a trap.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 11 Jan 2008 20:26
John Edwards, the likeable chap
Was carefully checking his map.
Where could be finer
Than South Carolina
To arrange an unlikely mishap?
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 13 Jan 2008 19:55
Fisherman Huckabee Finn
Is gradually starting to win.
Smooth but not spherical,
This sleek evangelical
Has been reeling Republicans in.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 13 Jan 2008 20:00
Rudy has been leaving it late
If he wants to campaign in each state.
He's been left a thin corridor
Of options in Florida
And Mitt Romney as his running mate!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 13 Jan 2008 22:44
Meanwhile lame-duck president Bush
Continues to rest on his tush:
'I prefer my pajamas
To those of Obama's
And I won't give up power in a rush!'
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 14 Jan 2008 00:31
Bill Clinton has suddenly got gritty
In a speech that was not very pretty.
He lifted the lid
On 'Obama the kid'
When he questioned his rival's integrity.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 14 Jan 2008 01:23
As the candidates carry their cross
In this fight to the death to be boss,
You wonder what it's worth
But these people from birth
Are obsessed with power, profit and loss.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 14 Jan 2008 11:07
'Hey, Monica,' whispered big Bill;
'Look, I've just had a fist-fight with Hill.
I'll show you my scars
And bring some cigars
If you promise to give me a thrill.'
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 14 Jan 2008 11:11
'Hello, Bill, you sound really hoarse,'
She answered him after a pause.
'If you order two coffees
For the oval office
I'll be there in five minutes, of course.'
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 14 Jan 2008 11:19
'So, that's where you're hiding!' said Hill;
'I thought that you said you felt ill.
You've no time to have fun -
We've too much to get done
So come down from that window-sill, Bill!'
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 16 Jan 2008 11:42
Up until two a.m. I did sit
To see Michigan crown its son Mitt.
He's ensconced on the throne
(Well, he had to win one)
Of a banana republican split!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 16 Jan 2008 11:46
Most Republicans loathe government;
They believe money earned should be spent.
Well, that's fine if you're rich;
If you're poor, life's a bitch
When your wages won't cover the rent.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 16 Jan 2008 11:49
Home of the brave and land of the free;
It's the puritan ethic, you see.
If people are poor,
Then we're pretty damn sure
That they richly deserve so to be.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 16 Jan 2008 11:54
Republicans flapping the flag
Makes politics rather a drag.
Any hint of compassion
Makes neo-cons fashion
You a pinko, liberal, commie fag!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 16 Jan 2008 11:56
Forget the American dream
And remember the Howard Dean scream.
The economy's tanking,
The Saudis are swanking
And the Chinese are stealing the cream!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 16 Jan 2008 16:45
When the middle-class don't have a dime
And live on borrowed money and time;
When each mortgage foreclosure
Causes loss of composure
Then you know that the president's sub-prime.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 16 Jan 2008 17:04
With investment at an all-time low,
How can the economy grow?
The future looks rainy
And even Dick Cheney's
Thick portfolio is starting to slow.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 16 Jan 2008 20:35
Now let us salute Condoleezza,
As inscrutible as Mona Lisa.
She's emerged from sorority
With unquestioned authority
And grown men risk their lives when they tease her.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 16 Jan 2008 20:40
Condi has things in common with Hill.
(I don't mean absent husbands like Bill!)
They're Scorpios for a start,
Secretive and apart,
Power-crazed with a laser-like will.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 16 Jan 2008 20:47
Condi's still in her fifties they say
And might run for the White House one day.
Although not president,
She seems fairly content
With her piano, her prayers and her pay.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 16 Jan 2008 21:37
Hillary's hard on the case.
Should she tiptoe round issues like race?
And pretend it's not there
Like invisible air,
Like the air that caresses your face.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 16 Jan 2008 21:40
Or should she go on the attack
To make up the ground on Barack?
In a contest she can't edge,
Obama's advantage
Is genetic. His father was black.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 17 Jan 2008 14:41
My favourite is probably John
Whose chances now seem to have gone.
(I mean Edwards, of course,
Not McCain the war-horse)
I'd crack open champagne if he won!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 17 Jan 2008 17:06
Hillary's started to gloat
Because Obama's supporters can't vote!
Husband Bill got quite cross
When he argued the toss
With a reporter attached to his coat.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 17 Jan 2008 23:59
It's strange how some candidates face
Certain oblivion with grace.
Felines in hell
Have a luckier smell
Than some of the guys in this race.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 18 Jan 2008 13:03
American Fed chief Bernanke
Likes 'solutions' that others find cranky.
It seems to me that he
Runs the US economy
A little bit like Widow Twankey!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 19 Jan 2008 16:37
Hillary dilatory doll,
There's a man on the grassy knoll
Raising his gun
And firing at one
Of the most famous men in the world.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 19 Jan 2008 22:50
Hillary scored in Nevada
Making Obama's life even harder.
Barack invoked Reagan
(A slightly worse choice than Fagin)
And the Latinos left Vegas with 'nada'.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 19 Jan 2008 23:39
Nevada also chose Mitt
Who is now scoring hit after hit;
His victory so easy
(His rivals felt queasy)
He had neither to break sweat nor spit.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 20 Jan 2008 11:14
In her search for momentum and swing,
Did Hillary diss Luther King?
It doesn't much matter
When the Washington chatter
Is all about her wedding ring.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 20 Jan 2008 11:18
In Nevada they ran a Spanish ad
Saying Hillary was shameless and bad!
(A simultaneous translation
Said she'd hoodwinked the nation)
When politics sinks this low it's quite sad.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 20 Jan 2008 11:21
It's lucky that he's not a whiner
Because Mike Huckabee's lost Carolina.
His plan didn't work;
Now he looks like a berk
Or a bull in a shop selling china.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 20 Jan 2008 11:23
Senior citizen McCain's won again.
His popularity's hard to explain.
He's a hero, of course
Who's survived several wars
And has morphed into Citizen Kane.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 20 Jan 2008 12:00
Hillary dilatory doll,
There's a man on the grassy knoll.
I think it's Obama
(That effortless charmer)
Now hiding behind a Barack wall.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 20 Jan 2008 15:53
They're all playing hard-ball politics
(Not to mention a few dirty tricks!)
Despite voters' distrust
Bordering on sheer disgust,
They know that when mud's thrown, some sticks.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 20 Jan 2008 18:23
Should African-Americans back
Hillary or brother Barack?
Are they going to surrender
Their race or their gender
To any signs of a tectonic crack?
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 20 Jan 2008 22:39
My wife thinks Mitt Romney is handsome.
He's certainly worth a king's ransom.
To me he's patrician
Like a wealthy mortician
Who travels around in a hansom.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 21 Jan 2008 10:33
Barack is becoming irate
At Bill's influence on the debate.
He said it was troubling
How Bill has been doubling
The truth on its back for his mate.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 21 Jan 2008 10:36
Bill turned up his Igor Stravinsky
Whilst texting Nastasia Kinski.
He emptied his cup,
Sighed and mouthed 'Hurry up!
If you don't want the sack, Miss Lewinsky.'
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 21 Jan 2008 10:40
I return to senior citizen McCain
Whose stump speeches are rather a pain.
I respect and admire him
But can't someone fire him -
He has the charisma of a public drain.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 21 Jan 2008 11:55
To add to the Democrat drama
Oprah has come out for Obama
But Hillary's mates
Are now rattling her gates
Branding her as a feminist harmer.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 21 Jan 2008 16:04
American president Bush
Was formerly known as a lush.
When push came to shove
He consulted Karl Rove
Who advised him all opposition to crush.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 21 Jan 2008 16:06
So American president Bush
Was not lacking when shove came to push.
His plan of attack
Was to conquer Iraq
And control all the oil that would gush.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 21 Jan 2008 16:09
Saddam Hussein of Baghdad
Was regarded as evil and mad;
But this brutal dictator,
This sly alligator
Gave George Bush the worst nightmares he'd had.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 21 Jan 2008 16:12
Defence Secretary Donald Rumsfeld
Was constantly having his bum felt
By a handsome young aide
Dressed in leather and suede
Who smiled when he asked how his chum felt.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 21 Jan 2008 16:15
A Brit minister known as Buffoon
Started a war on the moon.
When asked to explain
His reasons again
Said 'We had to invade before June!'
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 21 Jan 2008 16:18
A woman named Sadie Street-Porter
Was rubbing her hands at the slaughter.
When we entered Iraq
She lay flat on her back
Seized by loud uncontrollable laughter.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 21 Jan 2008 16:20
Prime minister Anthony Blair
Developed a lunatic stare.
It wouldn't have mattered
Except he looked shattered
And was steadily losing his hair.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 21 Jan 2008 16:24
Blair's moved on to far better things
As 'peace envoy' in the land of three kings.
He's joined several banks
So the bombs and the tanks
Are a vague memory that seldom stings.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 21 Jan 2008 18:27
I'm not sure what Toni Morrison meant
When she called Bill 'a black president'.
The boss of Janet Reno
Has to be an albino
As he's white as the chalk cliffs of Kent.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 21 Jan 2008 21:45
O grave where's thy victory, death thy sting?
As we celebrate M. Luther King.
Bill's in the choir;
His heart is on fire
As he lifts up his larynx to sing.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 21 Jan 2008 21:49
Despite a hell of a search,
Young Chelsea's been left in the lurch.
But she's a real charmer
As Michelle Obama
Discovers on leaving the church.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 22 Jan 2008 11:31
Hillary thinks she looks cute
In an ill-fitting brown trouser suit.
Well, I've news for you, Hill
You've a stainless-steel will
But your sartorial sense is a hoot!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 22 Jan 2008 11:34
Last night I watched the Democratic debate
And could sense the implacable hate
Between Barack and Hill:
The amount of ill-will
Is impossible to overstate.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 22 Jan 2008 11:37
They all mentioned during the match
That McCain was a man they could catch.
It's simply fantastic:
Their last geriatric
Went senile while still on his watch!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 22 Jan 2008 11:40
I was surprised by John Edwards' passion
For giving the poor their full ration
But he faces a slog
As the under-dog
Who still hasn't come into fashion.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 22 Jan 2008 11:43
Last night I had a weird dream about Hill
(Which was certainly not run of the mill)
She was taking her time
To explain the sub-prime
Mess to me, with considerable skill.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 22 Jan 2008 11:45
Ron Paul has still not gone away
And raised one million bucks yesterday.
His campaign has been planned for
But what does he stand for?
I just haven't a clue what to say!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 22 Jan 2008 13:33
The Hollywood actor called Fred
Awoke after dreaming he led.
He's got the spike
Because the writers' strike
Has left him mute, incoherent and red.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 22 Jan 2008 17:17
I'm spot-welded to CNN,
The BBC and the News at Ten.
As I refresh my spritzer,
The sight of Wolf Blitzer
Makes me the most contented of men.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 22 Jan 2008 18:08
Democratic candidates know
That abortion's a hot potato.
Republicans say
A school shoot-out's the way
To keep population rates low.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 22 Jan 2008 18:57
Democratic candidates know
Not to tamper with Wade versus Roe
But Republicans say
Lots of guns are the way
To keep population growth slow.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 22 Jan 2008 21:45
Fred Thompson's decided to quit.
He didn't prove much of a hit
With his legions of fans
Who jumped into their vans
To vote for his nemesis, Mitt.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 22 Jan 2008 21:48
Rudy's climbed out of his casket
And put both his eggs in one basket.
He's secretly worried a
Poor performance in Florida
Will persuade everybody he's past it.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 22 Jan 2008 23:35
If his blood pressure shoots any higher,
Dick Cheney will probably retire.
It's almost certain
He'll leave Halliburton
To count all his cash by the fire.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 22 Jan 2008 23:42
Hostilities have broken out
As Barack and Hillary shout
Abuse at each other
(Older sister, younger brother)
'You're a bitch, Hill!''And you're just a lout!'
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 23 Jan 2008 00:14
It's time to lay cards on the table:
Hillary should win if she's able.
For the Republicans
(If he sticks to his guns)
Mitt Romney's the star of their stable.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 23 Jan 2008 01:48
As for Medicare and Medicaid,
I heard what the candidates said.
I find it quite eerie
In the twenty-first century
That doctors won't treat unless paid.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 23 Jan 2008 10:17
I've begun to imagine that Rudy
(Magnificent, mean and quite moody!)
Has started to worry
That if he doesn't hurry,
He might not live to see Super Tuesday.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 23 Jan 2008 12:43
At a speech I saw Bill nodding off
Until startled by somebody's cough.
He cupped his left ear
In an effort to hear -
After dreaming of Monica's muff.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 23 Jan 2008 12:45
I've started to suffer the strain
Of being nasty to nice John McCain.
He's no Karl Rove
But a decent old cove
Whom I wish a successful campaign.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 23 Jan 2008 15:40
According to folks in the diner,
Barack should win South Carolina.
Hill will come second
So everyone reckoned
With John on the slow boat to China.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 23 Jan 2008 15:43
I've performed a careful compilation
Of astrological information
For the main candidates
With their days and their dates
And Leo is the chief constellation!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 23 Jan 2008 17:33
As the economy starts to unwind,
Republicans find themselves in a bind.
They repeat with a blush:
'You can't blame it on Bush
And besides, it is all in the mind!'
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 23 Jan 2008 17:36
Though his personal ratings are mush
I confess to a soft spot for Bush.
Due to careful inbreeding,
He suddenly found himself leading
Despite having the brains of a brush.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 23 Jan 2008 17:40
There is a verse form called the limerick
Which forces the poet five rhymes to pick.
Don't think I'm complaining
(They're quite entertaining)
But after a while you get sick of it.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 23 Jan 2008 17:42
When I started this nonsense I wondered
Whether I'd ever manage a hundred.
Well, I've finished the ton
And it's been quite good fun
If occasionally I have blundered.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 23 Jan 2008 17:49
This limerick is probably my last.
It is pointless regretting the past.
In November we'll see
Who the winner will be -
The reverberations of which will be vast!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 26 Jan 2008 21:46
We've not heard much from Huckabee Finn
Or his stern moral sermons on sin.
With a fan base so wide
And God on his side,
You would really expect him to win!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 26 Jan 2008 21:51
My wife's growing obsession with Mitt
Is almost causing a marital split.
When she says 'For a start,
He's rich, handsome and smart',
It's a wonder she doesn't get hit!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 26 Jan 2008 21:54
My favourite writers are Yanks:
I've read Updike and Bellow with thanks.
Their actors aren't bad -
I've wasted a wad
On the likes of Tom Cruise and Tom Hanks.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 26 Jan 2008 21:58
Their politicians are mixed
And hover between and betwixt
Greatness and mediocrity,
Straightness and hypocrisy -
Always praying that problems get fixed!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 27 Jan 2008 11:38
Digging as deep as a miner,
Barack shook up South Carolina.
He won with ease;
Without putting a crease
In his shirt, he gave Hillary a shiner.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 27 Jan 2008 11:41
Trailing in last place was John
Who now probably regrets having run.
Well, he's still my first choice,
With his slow southern voice,
And if I'd been his coach, he'd have won!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 27 Jan 2008 11:45
I mustn't exclude ex-Mayor Rudy
Who used to be considered a shrewdy.
A Machiavellian man,
His complex 'cunning plan'
Has left him looking broken and broody.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 27 Jan 2008 11:48
Charlie Crist has endorsed John McCain.
I hope I don't have to say it again.
He's a very nice man
With a plausible plan
But voting for him is insane!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 27 Jan 2008 11:51
He says ageing is all in the head;
It'll be a long time till he's dead.
He's as tough as they come
Like his ninety-five year old mom -
Perhaps we should elect her instead!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 28 Jan 2008 21:04
McCain might not be a Confederate
But Andrew Sullivan claims he's a moderate.
With his global fame
And aluminum frame,
We await the unfolding of fate.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 28 Jan 2008 21:10
Some people say Mitt is a phoney
And a bit like Prime minister Tony.
My wife doesn't think that:
She thinks he's a cool cat
Who is winning this race on a pony.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 28 Jan 2008 21:17
Tonight is the State of the Union;
If I'm not too knackered I'll tune in,
Though I'm in no great rush
To hear George W. Bush
Since he has the insight of an onion!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 28 Jan 2008 21:20
I stayed up for the State of the Union
Though I'd have been happier at Holy Communion;
George W. Bush
Utters absolute tosh -
I've heard more sense from a drunken Mancunian!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 28 Jan 2008 21:24
I confess to posting that limerick before
I'd had the chance to hear Bush-baby bore.
I thought he did pretty well
To ignore the rank smell
Of the bodies washed up on his shore.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 29 Jan 2008 11:10
Barack's latest, arguably greatest trick
Has left Hillary feeling quite sick.
He's been given fresh energy
By Caroline and Ted Kennedy -
The senator from Chappaquiddick.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 29 Jan 2008 11:13
As she smiles for the cameras so cheesily,
Hill views Obama's surge queasily.
Miss Kopechne is dead
(Thanks to senator Ted)
Would Bill have let her go so easily?
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 29 Jan 2008 20:07
I have to return to Mitt Romney
Whom I suspect of being a commie!
He's a sly little runt
Who's put up quite a good front
But has managed to hide nothing from me.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 29 Jan 2008 20:10
As doomsday is looming for Rudy;
His position's become rather ludi-
crous. A dreadful migraine
And disastrous campaign
Have made him look like an unemployed hoodie.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 29 Jan 2008 20:15
As I stare at the night sky, the Plough
Asks me 'What are you going to write now?'
I haven't a clue
What on earth I should do
Since my inspiration is low.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 30 Jan 2008 10:01
Rudy's dropped out of the race.
(His campaign was an utter disgrace)
I don't think we should worry
Or feel especially sorry -
He's got a pretty new wife to embrace!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 30 Jan 2008 10:04
I believe I can predict this campaign:
The Republicans will choose John McCain.
The Democrats will be
Headed by Hillary
And may the best man the victory gain!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 30 Jan 2008 19:10
I've just heard that my candidate John
Has decided to not carry on.
I'm beset by the blues;
This is terrible news.
What on earth will I do when he's gone?
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 30 Jan 2008 19:14
A man with a mind fine as filigree
Has abandoned his fan base to Hillary
Or Barack, whichever
Can box the more clever
And harness the Democrats' artillery.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 30 Jan 2008 19:21
I shall miss his soft southern drawl
And the way he calls people Y'all.
The only non-celebrity,
I'll sorely miss his integrity
When America votes in the fall.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 31 Jan 2008 22:11
Who will the president be?
The stars whisper 'Hillary!'
It's always uncertain
To twitch at the curtain
Of fate though opinion is free.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 31 Jan 2008 22:13
Sages state that prediction is free
So who will the president be?
It's always uncertain
To clutch at the curtain
That conceals Bill and Hillary.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 31 Jan 2008 22:16
So who will the president be?
It's blindingly clear to me
That it won't be Barack,
Mitt, Mike or Mac
So it has to be Hillary.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 31 Jan 2008 23:35
So who will the president be?
It won't be Mike Huckabee
Or Rudy or Ron,
Giuliani or John
So it has to be Hillary.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 31 Jan 2008 23:38
So who will the president be
When we take our November tea?
George, John, Paul or Ringo
Won't be the ones to call 'Bingo!'
So it has to be Hillary.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 01 Feb 2008 10:54
I took a look at the latest debate
And thought Barack had a lot on his plate.
His arguments were soggy;
He appeared pretty groggy
And generally seemed in a state.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 01 Feb 2008 10:57
Hillary was confidence supreme
Like a cat that had stolen the cream.
Her mind moves like lightning;
This woman is frightening
And she's only one half of the team!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 01 Feb 2008 14:23
It's no surprise Mitt's getting rather
Miffed that a man the same age as his father
Is winning this race
At a leisurely pace
When he's worked himself into a lather.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 02 Feb 2008 20:37
Next week we await Super Tuesday
Though it won't be the same without Rudy;
After maximum hesitation
And minimum participation,
It'll be more of a singing-the-blues day.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 02 Feb 2008 20:40
So now it's goodbye Super Tuesday
And arrivederci Sir Rudi.
The full moon is silvery,
Welcoming John and Hillary
On this make-or-break win-or-lose day.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 03 Feb 2008 11:10
The initials G.O.P. stand for Grand Old Party
And M.H. is a reference to Mike Huckabee.
B.C. is, of course, hintin'
At a time before Clinton
And M.R. means that Mitt is smart (R.C.)
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 03 Feb 2008 11:14
D.I.V.O.R.C.E. means Divorce
And O.C. is short for Of Course.
H.R.C.
Represents Hillary
And B.S. is a code for Brown Sauce.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 03 Feb 2008 11:18
They say the environment
Will be a big issue for the next president.
What about all the oil
Sucked up through the soil
And where's all the money been spent?
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 03 Feb 2008 11:21
Will we be fasting for Lent
And why are some senators bent?
What about all the oil
Siphoned from the soil
And why isn't there any in Kent?
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 03 Feb 2008 11:23
Has the clean green message been sent
And will the new administration relent?
What about that black oil
Bubbling up through the soil -
I wonder where on earth it all went!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 04 Feb 2008 16:15
Andrew Sullivan's backing Obama
(The senator who looks like a llama)
As Republicans close ranks
Round McCain with no thanks -
Which can only be good for their karma!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 04 Feb 2008 16:20
We've still Hillary, Mitt, John and Barack:
A woman, a Mormon, a geriatric and black.
This election is blazing
A trail that's amazing -
All we need now is Batman to make up the pack!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 04 Feb 2008 19:17
Hillary's looking over her shoulder
At Barack the oncoming boulder.
As she hares down the mountain
And dives into the fountain
She finds the water has grown slightly colder.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 04 Feb 2008 19:21
Obama is gathering speed
But Hillary clings on to her lead.
As he bathes his feet
It's a virtual dead-heat,
Her victory no longer guaranteed.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 04 Feb 2008 19:23
As Barack is beginning to close,
Hillary's massaging her toes.
This race is tight:
It's a wonderful sight
To see somebody lose by a nose.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 04 Feb 2008 19:36
In the distance Hillary was a speck
But Obama is now neck-and-neck.
All this infighting
Is becoming exciting -
No wonder they both look a wreck!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 04 Feb 2008 19:40
They say the winner takes it all -
The loser is left standing small.
It's not my job to jabber
About the lyrics of Abba
Or opine on the odds of Ron Paul.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 04 Feb 2008 19:50
At the risk of repeating myself
(And the history book on the shelf)
This story ain't quoted
Till everyone's voted
And that includes independents like Ralph.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 05 Feb 2008 10:35
As he sniffs at the scent on his sleeve,
Mitt says 'Look, Mike, I think you should leave.
For some little while
You've been cramping my style
As I psyche up for one final heave'.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 05 Feb 2008 10:38
But Mike's obstinate as a mule
And replies 'Mitt, don't take me for a fool.
I genuinely believe
You're the one who should leave.
Go on now. Get out of the pool!'
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 05 Feb 2008 10:43
I confess to feeling slightly shifty
As I finish a hundred-and-fifty.
As the total's been mounting,
I've not really been counting
(But ninety per cent are quite nifty!)
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 06 Feb 2008 11:40
Barack has now won more states
Though somehow Hill has got more delegates.
With their pants on fire
This will go to the wire
As the whole of America waits.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 06 Feb 2008 11:42
Ann Coulter says McCain is a pill
So she might be voting for Hill.
What a change of tack
From a right-wing hack
Whose usual cry is 'Kill Bill!'
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 06 Feb 2008 19:02
On Super Tuesday the weather was raw
And seemed more like the outbreak of war.
The most sinister omen
Was not the smashing of snowmen
But the destruction of Clinton, Arkansas.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 06 Feb 2008 23:51
McCain, Huckabee and Romney
Represent War, God and Money
With Hill and Barack
The token Woman and Black -
Isn't democracy funny?
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 07 Feb 2008 11:33
Hillary's begun to look worried.
She thought that Barack could be hurried
Into making mistakes
Handing her all the breaks
But the upstart just will not be buried!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 07 Feb 2008 11:36
With Oprah bankrolling Barack,
Hill's on the financial rack.
She's just pumped five million dollars
Into her own coffers
With no prospect of getting it back.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 07 Feb 2008 11:39
Will Hillary be able to renew
The lease on Pennsylvania Avenue?
Eight years with her spouse
Inside the White House
Have made her fall in love with the view.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 07 Feb 2008 11:40
We've entered the year of the Rat
When the plans of mice and men can fall flat.
Will it be Hill or Barack,
Mitt, Mike or Mac?
What wouldn't we give to know that?
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 07 Feb 2008 11:42
Hillary C with a howl
Has finally thrown in the towel
Leving Barack
To spearhead the attack
And eclipse his old friend Colin Powell.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 07 Feb 2008 11:43
Obama has come out of hidin'
To announce he has chosen Joe Biden
As his running mate -
Age and youth on the slate
Should prevent his opinion polls slidin'.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 07 Feb 2008 11.44
But the Democrats soon started wailin'
When John McCain chose Sarah Palin.
Obama stopped grinnin'
As legions of women
Made a Republican triumph plain sailin'.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 07 Feb 2008 11.45
Poor Hillary's been feeling the blues
Since someone stepped into her shoes.
The heights she was scalin'
Now support Sarah Palin -
So beware, any innocent moose!
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 07 Feb 2008 11:46
It's difficult to know when to stop.
(I've laid out the cream of the crop)
I can't keep on going;
My inspiration is slowing
And I don't want to start scribbling slop.
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Original limerick by Simon R. Gladdish
SimonGladdish 07 Feb 2008 11:49
This limerick is definitely my last.
There is no point lamenting the past.
In November we'll see
Who the winner will be -
The reverberations of which will be vast!
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Postscript:
When Hillary started to crash
The feminists lost all their cash
And they're bouncing the cheques
Of the right-wing red-necks
Now surviving on sausage and mash.
Regardless of colour of skins
The taller man usually wins.
John McCain is a dwarf
So we had a good laugh
As we filed his pamphlets in our bins.
Sarah Palin's reign was quite brief;
She never sang 'Hail to the Chief!'
But she'll get her chance
To pull faces and dance
In the pages history's yet to leaf.
Congratulations are in order, Barack
For deflecting Republican flak.
Some questioned your running
But your victory was stunning
And the White House now boasts its first black.
Rumsfeld and Cheney and Bush
Have finally been given the push.
We raise up our voices
And the whole world rejoices
As Obama depresses the flush.
The American people have spoken
And have said 'Our society's broken
So let's not embargo
This saviour from Chicago
And let us pray that he's more than a token.'
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